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Around the world, people in relationships tend to be happier and healthier than those who are single. But is it always the case that people who are partnered are better off? Research says no.
We are social creatures, and romantic relationships are an important way we fill our social needs. Romantic relationships have historically been the norm in adulthood, and those without a partner have faced stigma and unmet social needs, impacting their quality of life. But navigating life with another person is not always easy, and even the best relationships are likely to occasionally involve conflict, disappointment, and hurt feelings. For some people, it seems, singlehood offers a welcome respite from the negative aspects of romantic relationships.
Although we are all social creatures, how we approach our social relationships can differ depending on the types of goals we hold. Scholars have identified two main motivations underlying our social goals: approach and avoidance.
When people are approach-motivated, they tend to focus more on reaping relationship rewards. In a social context, people who hold approach social goals focus on opportunities that allow them to enhance intimacy and foster growth in their relationships. This focus on approaching positive experiences is associated with more positive outcomes, including greater relationship satisfaction.
In contrast, when people are more avoidance-motivated, they tend to focus on avoiding relationship costs. In a social context, people who hold avoidance social goals focus on opportunities that allow them to avoid or minimize conflict or disagreements. This focus on avoiding negative experiences paradoxically leads people to attend more to the negative, and is associated with more negative outcomes, including lower relationship satisfaction.
For someone who has high approach social goals, a great relationship is characterized by more positive experiences—more intimate and fun moments together, more warmth and connection. Sure, there might be a fight or two along the way, but those do not define the relationship. For someone who is high in avoidance social goals, a great relationship is characterized by few negative experiences—a stable relationship without much conflict or disappointment. Sure, there might be moments of fun, but it’s the lack of negativity that defines the relationship.
How do these goals shape the association between relationship status and well-being? In general, people have greater life satisfaction if they are in a relationship than if they are single (especially if they have high approach goals). But, this is not true for people who have high avoidance goals. Across two different studies, researchers found that for people who are more avoidance-motivated in their relationships, there is no difference in life satisfaction between those that are single and those who are in a relationship. It seems that when relationships are mainly approached with the goal of avoiding conflict and disappointment, not being in a relationship at all may be an equally satisfying choice.
References
Diener, E., Gohm, C. L., Suh, E., & Oishi, S. (2000). Similarity of the relations between marital status and subjective well-being across cultures. Journal of Cross-cultural Psychology, 31, 419–436.
Girme, Y. U., Overall, N. C., Faingataa, S., & Sibley, C. G. (2016). Happily Single: The Link Between Relationship Status and Well-Being Depends on Avoidance and Approach Social Goals. Social Psychological and Personality Science, 7(2), 122–130.
FAQs
The latest study examining the association between relationship status and well-being among young adults also backs up this finding. In the latest issue of Family Relations, psychologist Nicole Watkins and colleagues found that singles were less happy than ones who were partnered.
Are people happier in relationships or single? ›
MacDonald said the people with the highest life satisfaction are those who are happy to be single but are also open to being in a relationship. He described them as "emotionally stable" people who like to connect with others. "Our data suggests that it's not so much that getting into a relationship makes people happy.
Is it easier to be happier when in love or when single? ›
Some people believe a romantic relationship is essential for their happiness and well-being, while others find fulfillment and satisfaction without a partner. Those in the latter group tend to fare better. “Wanting a relationship more only emphasizes the gap between one's reality and one's desire,” Kislev says.
Is it better being single or in a relationship? ›
In general, people have greater life satisfaction if they are in a relationship than if they are single (especially if they have high approach goals). But, this is not true for people who have high avoidance goals.
Who is happier single or committed? ›
The study supports that while many young adults desire to be in a relationship, others do not. Further, as the researchers found, singlehood can indeed be a source of happiness for those not particularly interested in romantic relationships.
Who is happier singles or couples? ›
Over the survey period, married people consistently reported their happiness levels higher than their unmarried counterparts, ranging from 12% to 24% higher depending on the year, according to the data.
Which gender is happier single? ›
Studies have blitzed the stereotype of the poor lonely spinster out of the water, revealing that women are actually happier being single than men. Further research has shown that single women without children were happier than both men and married women with children.
Is being single better for Mental Health? ›
The mental health impact, though, varies based on personal circ*mstances and coping mechanisms. For some people, being single for a long time can have positive mental health outcomes, such as increased self-discovery, personal growth, and the freedom to pursue individual interests and goals.
Am I still in love or just lonely? ›
How do you feel when you're apart? Love: Sure, you miss your partner, but you're comfortable and secure when you're on your own. Loneliness: You feel anxious, empty, and lost when your partner is not around.
Does falling in love make you happier? ›
The psychological benefits of love and affection
Engaging in love and affection can benefit our mental well-being as well. Evidence suggests that experiencing love and affection may increase positive feelings like joy, contentment, and gratitude while decreasing negative emotions, such as loneliness and anxiety.
Being in a lousy relationship can do a number on your self-esteem. Your confidence may have hit the floor, and you might be at the end of your rope. When you are single, it's so much easier to get your self-esteem back. This is because you don't have some lousy partner eating away at your self-love.
Is it smart to stay single? ›
Being single does not mean you are bad at relationships. In fact, research shows people are staying single for longer and settling down older, and some are choosing to be that way forever. Singledom shouldn't be regarded as anything to be pitied — it should be embraced.
Are most people single or in relationships? ›
How Many People Are Single?
- According to the U.S. Census Bureau, nearly 47% of the U.S. population (just over 117 million people) are currently single.
- 2023 data from Pew Research Center finds that three in 10 Americans are single, and about half (51%) are open to either a committed relationship or casual dates.
Married people, particularly those aged 25 to 50, consistently reported higher levels of well-being compared to singles, regardless of race, age, and gender.
Are unmarried couples happier? ›
People who are married are happier than those who are not, based on Gallup surveys of more than 2.5 million U.S. adults collected between March 2020 and November 2023. Married adults are 20% more likely to be thriving than adults who never tied the knot.
Who are the happiest in relationships? ›
Couples who have strong communication skills, mutual respect, and a deep emotional connection tend to be happier in their marriages than those who do not. Additionally, individuals who are naturally more optimistic and have a positive outlook on life may find it easier to maintain a happy marriage.
Do relationships make people happier? ›
A decades-long Harvard study has concluded that good relationships and close friendships are the key to lifelong health and happiness.
What percent of people are in a happy relationship? ›
A recent study of Census Data, and survey conducted by Mixbook of 3,000 Americans has provided insights into how many people who are married across the U.S feel that they are happy in their relationship. The study found that overall (on average), 74%, or about 98 million Americans say they are happily married.
Are monogamous people happier? ›
When it came to how fiercely they love, and how satisfied they are, researchers found no differences between monogamous couples and those in open relationships. However, levels of jealousy were lower and trust was higher among those engaged in committed open relationships.
